by Minna Grabin Davis, Aaron Pawelek, and Tres Adames

Goal: To provide PCS participants a framework for recognizing and responding effectively to disclosures of domestic violence encountered in their ministries and work.

Learning Objectives:

1. Understand the dynamics of domestic abuse
2. Discover the impact of domestic abuse on the family
3. Learn how to best respond to those impacted
4. Increase participant knowledge of resources

Dispelling Common Myths

These myths give a false picture, shifting the blame for domestic violence from the perpetrator to their target. Because women are so overwhelmingly more likely to be victimized by men, for the purposes of this training, we will tend to refer to perpetrators as HE and victims/survivors as SHE. This is to underscore the assumption that using gender-neutral language for either victims or abusers implies gender equality, which the research simply does not bear out. However, please bear in mind that men in heterosexual relationships are victims too; and, for them being a victim is gender dystonic. They are less likely to report it or seek help. 

Important Definitions

Domestic Violence: refers to violence between family members. (For example, violence or abuse between parents, children, siblings, grandparents, in-laws, cousins, etc., or violence between acquaintances like friends, co-workers, neighbors or classmates)

Power & Control: is the way that an abusive person victimizes another person in order to subject that person to some form of abuse or violence.

Intimate Partner Violence: is difficult to measure because:

• It most often occurs in private, and victims are often reluctant to report incidents to anyone because of shame or fear.
• Every system has its own definition. For example, for many researchers psychological abuse without at least one episode of physical or sexual abuse, or the threat of it, does not meet the definition of domestic violence or intimate partner violence, thereby skewing research results one way or the other.

Child Witness: refers to the child(ren) who see, hear or are aware of violence against one parent figure by another. 

Perpetrator: is also referred to as abuser. Please note that these words define the behavior of an individual who abuses/perpetrates abuse or violence, not the whole of who they are.

Victim: also does not define the person, but instead refers to the person who is the recipient of the abusive behavior.

Survivor: most often refers to those who were abused in the past. Those who work in the field of domestic violence most often prefer to use survivor vs. victim for all who are or have been recipients of the abusive behavior. Even during on-going abuse, survivors are doing the best they can to survive.

Marital Discord: is often confused with domestic violence in research because the boundaries between marital conflict and domestic violence can be blurred in general population surveys, minimizing the true impact of domestic violence on adult victims and their children. Couples therapy, appropriate for marital conflict, are ineffective for relationships characterized by domestic violence and may increase the risk faced by the victim and her children. Likewise, the reverse is true. Interventions designed for perpetrators are not appropriate to deal with marital conflict.

What is Gaslighting?

The words gaslighting is a term that has become more common in everyday vernacular, but it's important to understand exactly what it is so caregivers can recognize it when they see it. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse and manipulation used by perpetrators to control their victims.

The Impact on Children

This section focuses on learning the impact of domestic violence on the children who are exposed to it, as well as the warning signs that caregivers should look out for.

Responding to Domestic Violence

This section provides the best ways to respond to families impacted by domestic violence and how to help. You may be faced with the situation of having contact with both the victim(s) and the abuser.

Handouts on Domestic Violence

These are PDF handouts that you can print out and share with care-receivers who may be experiencing domestic violence and abuse.

Vicarious Traumatization

Traumatic stress reactions can come from hearing about or just watching helplessly as something terrible happens to someone else. It's important for caregivers to remember to take care of themselves as they care for others impacted by domestic violence and abuse.

Additional Resources


The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) and the National Domestic Violence Hotline has contact info for state coalitions and other member organizations, as well as information about safety planning, domestic violence laws, and other related topics. 

NCADV State Coalitions website will take you directly to the site where you can find your state’s coalition.

NRCDV provides technical assistance, training and resource development and is dedicated to ending domestic violence in relationships and communities.

Love Is Respect provides support, information and advocacy to youth who have questions or concerns about their dating relationships. They also provide information and support to concerned friends and family, teachers, counselors, etc. Live chat and texting services are available 24/7/365.

Futures Without Violence provides programs, policies, and campaigns that empower individuals and organizations working to end violence against women and children worldwide. It was a driving force behind passage of the Violence Against Women Act of 1994.

Faith Trust Institute provides multifaith and religion-specific intervention and prevention training, consulting, and educational materials for faith-based and secular organizations in a number of areas, including domestic and sexual violence, teen dating violence, children exposed to domestic violence, and boundaries for clergy and spiritual teachers.

Duluth Model is the home of the wheels that are often used for the purpose of educating about domestic violence. Since they are copyrighted, they may not be used in revenue-generated presentations without permission. They may be used for individuals impacted by domestic violence and in community education presentations as long as they are credited to the Domestic Abuse Intervention Program.

Download Slides

If you would like to download the slides from today's module, click the link below.

Homework Assignment

There is no comment discussion for this module, but you are assigned the following activity:

1. Read all of the domestic violence handouts (above).
2. Take some time to find your state's coalition on the NCADV website. Bookmark the page and/or add it your resource list.